August262011
I realise I come to this only when I am upset. Or when I feel I have so much pent inside me that needs letting out. It feels I turn to this as solace from the thing called life where I can be only with you one to you. Only you and I in a world that I can be calm. feel every pain, every pin drop silence without having to worry. Where I can let out what I otherwise can’t in the world called world.
Everything is an big sensitive open wound. It does not take much to bruise the already badly bruised wound. It does not take much for the bruised wound to get worse- even more infected, even more painful, ever longer for it to heal from what already seems an eternity to do so. A small pain point feels 10 times even more painful. Frustration and anger grows many folds from a mere nudge of this unstable state right now. Ever since 21Apr2010. What a date to remember- the marking of a badly bruised wound never healing.
I have come to terms. And I have accepted that they will never be the same again. It will never be the way it once used to be. It will just remain as fragments of memory, one that I’ll bring to my eventual grave. While they remain lingering memories, the present can still be a better place. This I remain hopeful that one day we will get there. But the bruising. They keep bruising.
I don’t know where and how to keep my sanity and yet let things out. Because I can’t. When I do there will for some form of repercussions- those that one can’t fathom what hit after it has- which would make the wound bruise even more. I don’t know if the wound would ever heal.
It is just here that I can let it out. A repository of bad things that, to be tucked away. A repository that lets me at least leave a bit of the scarring pain behind, relieving some pain temporarily at least.
